Gatiep sit gesuip langs Maraai se graf en tjank.

Lekker dronk verdrietig:

"Meraai as jy net terugkom hou ek op drink!"

n' Mol is besig om 'n hopie op te stoot.

Gatiep spring die hopie plat:

"Jislaaik Meraai, kan jy nie 'n grap vattie!?"

Sick Leave

Sick leave

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would

Not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'CRAZY'

Then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker Sipho) asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was 'CRAZY' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked 'What are you are doing?' I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (Sipho) followed me, the Boss asked him '...And where do you think you're going?'

(You're gonna love this.....)

He said, 'I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark.'

Bucket seat (new meaning)

The Female Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Ma ke the woman happy.

Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer (-5)
You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-20)

You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer (-20)
Tina has silicone implants (-80)

You take her out to dinner (+2)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team (-10)

You take her to a movie (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

Why do South African Police officers wear reflective jackets?

Welcome to Independent Africa!

Welcome  to Independent Africa !

A picture is  worth a thousand words. In this case much more.

The first two  pictures were taken of Beira , Mozambique in  1975
And  the other two  pictures taken in 2007.

Thirty two  years of freedom in Africa .

The day I lost control

I totally lost control today...

This is the reason why public servants were on strike

NASA Photo Of Water On Mars ...... Amazing....

Sipho again

Sipho's sister was pregnant and was in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies" Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them. The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no! Not Sipho; He's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor "Well what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor answers.

The new mother thinks." Wow that's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like that name Denise." Then she asks the doctor, “What’s the boy's name?" The doctor replies.


Who needs money to get married?

Life is cheap!

Spring is around the corner


New matric mathematics exam

The New Republic of South Africa Examinations
Western Cape Examination Authority
                        MATHEMATICS PAPER 1                      

Time allowed: Negotiable.


Examination Instructions

1.     Please, write all answers between the lines.
2.     No part of this examination paper may be rolled and smoked.
3.     No children of students are allowed to participate.
4.     Please leave all firearms in possession of parole officers.
5.     Bribes will be accepted at a minimum of R300.00
6.     If this exam does not match the one that you bought in Advance please notify the examiner.
7.     The shibeen will be open for thirst quenchers during the examination.


Philemon has an AK47 with 2 magazines taped together, each holding 75 rounds. If he misses 8 out of 10 shots, how many drive-by taxi shootings can he attempt before having to reload?


Phineas has a 12-seater minibus. To avoid discomfort he never carries more than 23 people. Assuming each passenger weighs 85 kg, and piles another 35 kg of luggage on the roof, he drives at 140 km/h and that his brakes are 25% efficient, what would his stopping distance be?
a)      300 m
b)      600 m
c)       10 m, as there is another passenger to pick up.
Jacob is employed as a gardener for 1 day a week in 3 Households. Assuming that he can make a lawnmower last for 3 months, how many lawnmowers will the households have to purchase over a period of 2 years?
In standard 6, Jackson has made 4 girls in his class pregnant and another 6 from other classes. How many girls will he have made pregnant before he leaves school if he
Matriculates on his 28th birthday?
Samuel and his friends, altogether 6 of them, can each drink 35 bottles per day of Black Label before falling over.  How many SAB trucks do they need to hijack per year to remain permanently pissed?  __________________________________________________________


Project Management meets Swim Lanes


Misdaad in SA ruk nou heeltemal hand uit...


1981 and 2005

1981 & 2005 - Two Interesting Years

Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died

Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died

Lesson to be learned: The next time Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope.


A stark naked, drunken Australian woman, jumped into a vacant taxi in down town New Delhi.

The Indian driver was immediately beside himself and just kept on staring at the woman.

He made no attempt to start the cab.

“What's wrong with you mate, haven't you ever seen a naked white woman before?”

“I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you that would not be proper where I am coming from".

"Well if you're not bloody staring at me mate, what are you doing then?"

"Well, I am telling you, I am thinking to myself where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with?

Stick man

Too much technology....

Ou tannies

Drie susters 92, 94 en 96 woon saam in een huis.

Die 92 jarige tap vir haar n bad water, toe sy haar voet insit, vra sy: Was
ek besig om in te klim of uit te klim?

Die 94 jarige sê: Wag, ek kom nou op, dan sal ek jou sê. Maar toe sy opgaan
met die trappe, steek sy in haar spore vas: Was ek besig om op te gaan of af
te kom?

Die 96 jarige sê: Ai, ek's so bly ek is nie so vergeetagtig soos julle nie.
Touch wood, en sy klop op die tafel. Ek sal julle nou kom help, ek wil net
eers gaan kyk wie klop aan die deur.

Devoted Husband

Smallest Golf in the World