Bongani the Lawyer

Bongani grew up in Johannesburg . He went to law school in London . After his studies he decided to go back to Johannesburg , because he could be a big man there. There he opened his new law office.

The first day, he saw a man coming up to his office and decided to make a big impression. As the man came to the door, Bongani pretended to be on the phone and motioned the man to take a seat.

Bongani said into the phone: "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that am not travelling all the way that side to settle thecase for less than a million bucks.

"Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed to hear the case next week. "I'll be handling the primary argument and the other members of my team will provide support.

"Okay. Give the State Prosecutor my regards and ..." The visitor sat patiently as Bongani rattled instructions.

Finally, Bongani put down the telephone and said: "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man said: "I'm from Telkom .. I've come to connect your phone."

Mubabwe








Erection Lesults

Robert Mugabe: 2,150,269 votes
Morgan Tsvangirai : 233,000 votes
Spoilt papers 131,481.

I posted this as a joke - don't know what else to do with it.

Duur petrol


Auto Trader - And into the future ... when petrol costs N$20.00 a liter..........


Pothole


SOB


U gotta Love an Honest Woman...


Dis Hoekom Vrouens Nie Gaan Jag Nie...

Die ou gaan gereeld jag en sy vrou moet altyd by die huis bly.
Sy besluit toe om vir haar `n geweer te koop en saam te gaan jag.

Op die plaas aangekom se hy vir haar om links teen die rivier af te loop dan loop hy regs teen die rivier af.

Hulle sal dan weer mekaar, onder, by die hoof hek ontmoet.
So gese, so gedaan. Hy het skaars 200 meter geloop toe hy drie skote hoor klap.

Hy hardloop terug in haar rigting en by die rivier kry hy haar.

Sy stry kliphard en aanhoudend met `n wild vreemde man...

"Meneer, dit is my Kudu die, ek het hom eerste gesien, en drie kopskote gegee!"

"Goed mevrou, ek gaan nie verder met jou stry nie, vat dan die kudu vir jou, maar gee jy om as ek net gou my saal en toom van jou kudu afhaal!?"

WEES TROTS SUID-AFRIKAANS

Wanneer jy uit die restaurant kom en jou kar is weg, moet nie kwaad of de moer in word nie.

Wees net trots Suid Afrikaans en vat die kar langsaan.

Hasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie in Spur................ inspurhasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie wat val................. gravithasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie in 'n pyp............... blokhasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie in n tuimeldroër...... spinhasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie wat groei .............. inflhasie

Wat noem jy 'n hasie met Issues ........... Emotionele Baghasie

some comments












Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in R20, even though it's only for R32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay R2 for a R1 item he needs.
A woman will pay R1 for a R2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals..

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Paar grappies


 

My niggie koop 'n tyd gelede vir haar vyfjarige dogter, Carla, 'n
hamster. Toe die hamster uit sy hok ontsnap, keer hulle omtrent
die huis om voor hulle hom weer kry en in sy hok terugbesorg. 'n
Paar weke later, terwyl Carla by die skool is, ontsnap die hamster
weer. My niggie soek hoog en laag, maar kry nie die gedierte nie.
Sy hoop om die gevoel van verlies minder pynlik vir Carla te maak,
en neem die hok uit haar kamer uit. Toe Carla die middag tuiskom,
klim sy na 'n rukkie in haar ma se skoot. 'Ons het 'n ernstige
probleem,' kondig sy aan. 'Nie net is die hamster weg nie, maar
hierdie keer het hy sy hok saamgeneem.'

* * *

Jy leer nie regtig om ernstig te swets nie, totdat jy leer bestuur. Jy
leer nie regtig hoe om ernstig te bid nie, totdat jou kinders leer
bestuur.

* * *

Toe ek na die weskus van Amerika trek, was ek omtrent 'n
senuweewrak weens die moontlikheid van aardbewings daar. Maar
Linda, wat daar gebore en getoë is, was nogal blasè oor
aardbewings. Ek is saam met haar in haar motor toe dié effens
begin skud by 'n robot. Sy raak 'n bietjie gespanne tot ek
senuweeagtig uitroep: 'Dis dalk 'n aardbewing!' Toe ontspan sy
merkbaar. 'Ek dag net dalk dis iets fout met my motor,' is haar
kommentaar.

* * *
'n Dogtertjie vra haar ouma: 'Hoe oud is Ouma?' Ouma antwoord:
'62' Waarop die dogtertjie vra: 'En het Ouma by 1 begin?'

* * *

Op hul kampvakansie het 'n gesin die hut se ligte afgehou totdat
hulle binne was om te keer dat allerhande insekte en goggas ook
binnekom. 'n Paar vuurvliegies het egter tog hul pad binnetoe
gevind, waarop die jongste seuntjie sê; 'Dit help nie, want kyk die
muskiete kom met flitse in!'


 

***


Gatiep en Maraai stap uit Spar uit met 'n pram. Maraai kyk in die
pram en skree: 'DISSIE verkeerde kind!!!' Gatiep sê: ' Hou djou
bek man dis 'n beter pram!'

* * *

'n Ou oom sit by die busstop en hy huil. Een ou kom en vra
hoekom huil hy dan. Hy sê hy is met 'n 18-jarige meisie getroud en
dit gaan net te wonderlik. Ou vra: 'Nou hoekom huil Oom dan?'
Oom: 'Ek het vergeet waar ons bly.'