Boere Computer Dictionary from South Africa

Monitor

Keeping an eye on the braai

Download

Get the firewood off the bakkie

Hard drive

Trip back home without any cold beer

Keyboard

Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys

Window

What you shut when it's cold

Screen

What you shut in the mosquito season

Byte

What mosquitoes do

Bit

What mosquitoes did

Mega Byte

What mosquitoes at the lake do

Chip

A bar snack

Micro Chip

What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips

Modem

What you did to the lawns

Dot Matrix

Oom Jan Matrix's wife

Laptop

Where the cat sleeps

Software

Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC

Hardware

Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers

Mouse

What eats the grain in the shed

Mouse Pad

Where the mouse takes the grain it does not eat

Mainframe

What holds the shed up

Web

What spiders make

Web Site

The shed (or under the verandah)

Cursor

The old bloke what swears a lot

Search Engine

What you do when the bakkie won't go

Yahoo

What you say when the bakkie does go

Upgrade

A steep hill

Server

The person at the pub what brings out the lunch

Mail Server

The bloke at the pub what brings out the lunch

User

The neighbour what keeps borrowing things

Network

When you have to repair your fishing net

Internet

Complicated fish net repair method

Netscape

When fish maneuvers out of reach of net

Online

When you get the laundry hung out

Off Line

When the pegs don't hold the washing up

THE ULTIMATE ADVENTURE CRUISE....

THE ULTIMATE ADVENTURE CRUISE

We are excited to offer the ultimate adventure cruise along the pirate-infested coast of Somalia.

We board our luxury cruise ship in Djibouti on the Gulf of Aden near the entrance to the Red Sea, and disembark in Kenya seven adrenaline-charged days later.



Starting at $5,200 per-person (double occupancy, inside room) and $6,900 (veranda complete with bench rest), you'll relax like never before.

That's because you are welcome to bring your own arsenal with you. If you don't have your own weapons, you can rent them from our onboard Master Gunsmith. Enjoy reloading parties every afternoon with skeet and marksmanship competitions every night!

But the best fun of all, of course, is Pirate Target Practice.

For the object of the cruise is to sail up and down the Coast waiting to get hijacked by pirates. The weapons rental costs are as follows.

Rent a full auto M-16 for only $25/day with ammo attractively priced at $16 per 100 rounds of 5.56 armour-piercing:



On a budget? Rent a full-auto scope-mounted AK-47 for only $9/day with 7.62 ball ammo at $12 per 100 rounds:


Hello! Nothing gets a pirate's attention like a Barrett M-107 50-cal sniper rifle; only $59/day with 25 rounds of armour-piercing ammo affordably priced at only $29.95.

Need a spotter? Our professional crew members can double as spotters for only $30/hour(spotting scope included, but gratuities are not.)


Want to make a real impact? Rent an RPG for only $175/day with three fragmentation rounds included!



Also included: Free complimentary night vision equipment - and throughout the night, coffee, pastries and snacks are always available on the main deck from 7pm until 6am.

Our deluxe package comes complete with gourmet meals and all rooms offer a mini-bar.

But that's not all! Twin mounted miniguns are available for rental at only $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire!

We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or you'll receive an instant $1,000 refund upon arrival in Mombasa.

How can we make that guarantee? We operate at 5 knots just beyond 12 nautical miles off the coast of Somalia, thus in international waters where pirates have no rights whatever. In fact, we make three passes through the area's most treacherous waters to ensure maximum visibility by Somali "mother ships".

We repeat this for five days, making three complete passes past the entire Somali Coast. At night, the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot every five minutes with loud disco music directionally beamed shoreside to attract maximum attention.


Testimonials from previous participants in the Somali Cruise:

"Six attacks in 4 days were more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, my wife nailed two, and my 12-year old son sank two boats with the mini-gun. This wonderful cruise was fun for the whole family" -- Fred D.,

"Pirates 0, Passengers 32! Well worth the trip! Can't recommend it highly enough!" -- Ben L.

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in 'Nam. Don't worry about getting shot by pirates... they never even got close to the ship with the crap they shoot and their lousy aim... reminds me of a drunken juicer door-gunner we picked up from the motor pool in Phu Bai!" -- Dan J.

HELL YEAH – The only way to describe this, best honeymoon gift ever – John and Gillian H., – Dallas


Come on board and bag your own clutch of genuine Somali pirates! But cabin space is limited so you need to respond quickly. Reserve your package before September 30th and get a great bonus - 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the calibre of your choice.

So sign up for the Ultimate Somali Coast Adventure Cruise now!