Financial Systems
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Arni & Windows 7
When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he would like to upgrade his PC to Windows 7 he said:
“I-still-love-vista…baby!”.
“I-still-love-vista…baby!”.
Yet another example of why proof-reading is important...
Recipe calls for 'ground black people' |
April 18 2010 at 09:25AM | ||
Penguin Group The "Pasta Bible" recipe for tagliatelle with sardines and prosciutto was supposed to call for black pepper. "We're mortified that this has become an issue of any kind and why anyone would be offended, we don't know," he told The Sydney Morning Herald for a story printed on Saturday. |
S A A (South African Airways)
FLYING S A A
You know you're flying S.A.A. when you ask the air hostess for the black pepper and she brings you.
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THE SOWETAN.....
You know you're flying S.A.A. when you ask the air hostess for the black pepper and she brings you.
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THE SOWETAN.....
Let's meet at Mario's
A group of 40-year-old golf buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Mario's restaurant because the waitresses there have low cut blouses and nice boobs.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Mario's because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.
10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Mario's because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Mario's because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Mario's because they have never been there before.
Apology to a Mugger
This Ad Was Placed in the Personal column of a newspaper in Georgia
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 AM EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons
and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Long's Drugstore, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. AT&T just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat - I guess while he traced your number etc.
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 AM EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.
My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again.
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons
and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Long's Drugstore, along with all the cash in your wallet. That made his day!
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. AT&T just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat - I guess while he traced your number etc.
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
Inkopies in Benoni
Man in Benoni stuur vrou om inkopies te doen.
Sy kom terug met 3 kaste bier, 2 kaste brandewyn, 1 kas Cane, 1 kas Coke en 2 brode.
Hy kyk haar so en vra, "kry ons kuiermense?"
"Nee" sê sy. "Hoekom?"
Hy vra: "Nou hoekom koop jy dan so baie brood?!"
Swak diens
Klein Jannie was in die kerk toe nagmaal bedien word. Sy ma het vir hom verduidelik dat hy nog te klein is om nagmaal te gebruik. Toe die kollektebordjie omgestuur word, sê sy vir hom om sy kollekte in te gooi.
Maar Jannie hou sy muntstuk styf vas, en sê: "As ek nie mag eet en drink nie, betaal ek nie!"
Maar Jannie hou sy muntstuk styf vas, en sê: "As ek nie mag eet en drink nie, betaal ek nie!"
NG Hondjie
Man kom huilend by 'n dominee aan.
Dominee: Hoekom so hartseer broer?
Man: My hond is dood. Sal Dominee hom begrawe asseblief?
Dominee: Nee broer, ons begrawe nie diere nie. Probeer die AGS oorkant
die straat.
Man: Goed, dink u hulle sal 'n donasie van R50 000 aanvaar?
Dominee: My magtig broer, kom sit, pleks jy sê dis 'n NG hondjie!
Ou antie
'n 30 jarige man nader 'n ou tannie in 'n rocking chair op haar voorstoep.
"Ek kon nie help om te sien hoe gelukkig tannie lyk nie. Wat is tannie se geheim vir 'n so 'n lang gelukkige lewe?" "Ek rook 3 pakkies skywe 'n dag", sê sy "en maak 'n paar stywe lyne elke dag. Voor ek gaan slaap rook ek 'n groot zol dagga. Verder drink ek 'n bottle Jack Daniels elke weeksaand en eet net junk food. Ek drink ook hectic baie pille elke naweek en doen geen oefening."
"Dis absoluut amazing tannie", sê die man verstom, "hoe oud is tannie?"
"Vier-en-twintig"
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