Klein Jannie was in die kerk toe nagmaal bedien word. Sy ma het vir hom verduidelik dat hy nog te klein is om nagmaal te gebruik. Toe die kollektebordjie omgestuur word, sê sy vir hom om sy kollekte in te gooi.
Maar Jannie hou sy muntstuk styf vas, en sê: "As ek nie mag eet en drink nie, betaal ek nie!"
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Church. Show all posts
NG Hondjie
Man kom huilend by 'n dominee aan.
Dominee: Hoekom so hartseer broer?
Man: My hond is dood. Sal Dominee hom begrawe asseblief?
Dominee: Nee broer, ons begrawe nie diere nie. Probeer die AGS oorkant
die straat.
Man: Goed, dink u hulle sal 'n donasie van R50 000 aanvaar?
Dominee: My magtig broer, kom sit, pleks jy sê dis 'n NG hondjie!
BLAPSE IN KERKBLAADJIES
BLAPSE IN KERKBLAADJIES
. Dames, moenie die krap-en-koop aand vergeet nie. Dis ook joukans
. Dames, moenie die krap-en-koop aand vergeet nie. Dis ook jou
. Die interkerklike vredesberaad is gekanselleer weens sinodale konflik.
. Moenie dat bekommernis jou doodmaak nie. Laat die kerk help.
. Die koste vir bywoning van die gebed- en vas-konferensie sluit die koste van die etes in.
. Vanoggend se erediens handel oor "Ons Redder loop op die Water". Vanaand se preek: "Waar is ons Redder?"
. Me Charlene Mason van die Metodiste gemeente het vir ons "I will not pass this way again" gesing, wat ons almal groot vreugde verskaf het.
. Volgende Donderdag is daar oudisies vir die kerkkoor. Kom gerus as jy niks aan het nie.
. Barbara is nog in die hospitaal vir bloedoortappings. Sy sukkel om te slaap, en het kassette van pastoor Jack se preke gevra.
. Die pastoor gaan sy afskeidspreek lewer, waarna die koor gaan sing "O blye dag".
. Klaas Buitendag en Debbie Prinsloo is op 3 Oktober getroud. En so eindig 'n mooi vriendskap wat in hul skooljare begin het.
. 'n Boontjiesop-aand gaan in die kerk se lapa gehou word. Bring 'n baadjie saam ingeval dit winderig en onplesierig raak.
. Die onderwerp van Maandagaand se gemeentebiduur is: "Die hemel, hoe
. Die lae selfbeeld-ondersteuningsgroep vergader Donderdagmiddag om 15:00 in die sysaal. Gebruik asseblief die agterdeur.
. Die Weight Watchers-groep vergader Donderdag om 14:00 in die saal. Gebruik asb die dubbeldeure by die sy-ingang.
Ouderlinge
Die sondagskoolonderwyseres het eendag vir die kindertjies gevra waaromhulle in die kerk moet stilsit.
'n Baie skerp dogtertjie antwoord toe vinnig: "Omdat die ouderlinge slaap."
'n Baie skerp dogtertjie antwoord toe vinnig: "Omdat die ouderlinge slaap."
Hondjie
Man kom huilend by dominee aan.
Ds: Hoekom so hartseer broer?
Man: My hond is dood. Sal Dominee hom asseblief begrawe?
Ds: Nee broer, ons begrawe nie diere nie. Probeer die AGS oorkant die straat.
Man: Goed, dink u hulle sal tevrede wees met my donasie van R50 000?
Ds: My magtig broer, hoekom het jy nie lankal gesê dis 'n Dopper-hondjie nie?!
Ds: Hoekom so hartseer broer?
Man: My hond is dood. Sal Dominee hom asseblief begrawe?
Ds: Nee broer, ons begrawe nie diere nie. Probeer die AGS oorkant die straat.
Man: Goed, dink u hulle sal tevrede wees met my donasie van R50 000?
Ds: My magtig broer, hoekom het jy nie lankal gesê dis 'n Dopper-hondjie nie?!
The Blind Man
On a really hot day, four nuns were assigned to paint a room in theirchurch. After sweating for a few hours in those black robes, they decided to take off all their clothes and paint naked.
An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church."Who is it?" they called out.
"I'm the blind man," came the reply. The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them.
They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting. They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty.
"Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"
An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church."Who is it?" they called out.
"I'm the blind man," came the reply. The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them.
They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting. They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty.
"Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"
What causes arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Pothole baptism
After a hardy rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window.
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
" Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."
The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.
As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic.
" Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she asks as she shook the older boy in anger.
"We were just playing 'church' mommy," he said.
"And I was just baptizing him.....in the name of the Father, the Son and in...the hole-he-goes."
Join us!
Johnny's Mother looked out the window and noticed him "playing church" with their cat.
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
"Well, he should have thought about that before he joined my church."
He had the cat sitting quietly and he was preaching to it. She smiled and went about her work.
A while later she heard loud meowing and hissing and ran back to the open window to see Johnny baptizing the cat in a tub of water. She called out, "Johnny, stop that! The cat is afraid of water!"
Johnny looked up at her and said,
"Well, he should have thought about that before he joined my church."
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