Showing posts with label Blonds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blonds. Show all posts
Blonde jokes
BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT T HE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON T HE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, T HE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
" HE LLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
Nog 'n blonde enetjie
Blond huil vreeslik tydens die geboorte van haar tweeling. Dr vra verbaas "hoekom huil jy so vreeslik, jy het dan nounet 'n tweeling ryker geraak?"
"Ja", sê sy, "maar ek weet nie wie die pa van die tweede een is nie "
"Ja", sê sy, "maar ek weet nie wie die pa van die tweede een is nie "
Blondes again...
Blonde and Cop
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Dumb Blonde
A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her."How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"
Blondes in Texas
Two blondes living in Texas were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde says to the other . . . "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon???" The other blonde turns and says . . . Helloooo!!! Can you see Florida?"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off of a building, who would hit the ground first?A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?A: Frosted Flakes.Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?A: A Space Invader.
Blonde and TV salesman
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." She replied, "I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Dumb Blonde
A dumb blonde is walking along, lost, and encounters a deep and wide river. She looks up and down the river for a way across but is unsuccessful in finding one. Yet, when looking to the other side again, she happened to see another blonde on the opposite river bank. She tried calling to her."How can I get to the other side of the river?" she shouts loudly.The other blonde replied "What for? You are already on the other side of the river!"
Blondes in Texas
Two blondes living in Texas were sitting on a bench talking. One blonde says to the other . . . "Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon???" The other blonde turns and says . . . Helloooo!!! Can you see Florida?"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette fell off of a building, who would hit the ground first?A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.Q: What do you call twenty blondes in a freezer?A: Frosted Flakes.Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?A: A Space Invader.
Blonde and TV salesman
A blonde went to eletronic store and she asked, "How is much is this TV?" The salesman said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a brunette. She asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The next day she came back as a red head and asked the salesman how much the TV was. He said, "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." She replied, "I came in here as a brunette and a red head. How do you know I am a blonde?"
"Because that is not a TV, it's a microwave."
Cell phone and Blonde
A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited - she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi Hon," he says. "How do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it. It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell. There's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?"
More Blond jokes
Blonde and thermos
A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos. She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ''It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold'' The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ''What do you have in it?'' she says, ''Soup, and ice cream!'
Blonde & Gun
A blonde sees her boyfriend cheating on her, so she goes home, pulls out a gun, and decides to shoot herself. But, before she can, her boyfriend walks in. "No! Don't do it!" He shouts. The blonde yells "Shut up, you're next.
I drank too much last night.
There was this blonde who woke up one morning not remembering what happened the night before. She went into the kitchen to ask her mother. Her mother replied, "You went to the the bar last night with your father. I must have been asleep when you came home. Go ask your father."She went into the living room to see what her father would say. He answered, "You got very drunk last night. I am very disappointed in you! I'm surprised that your not hungover!"The blonde questioned, "Are you SURE? I can't remember a thing!"
A blonde was having financial difficulties and decides that she has to take some serious action, so she goes to the park and kidnaps a young boy and writes a ransom note, "I have kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the old elm tree and your son will come to no harm", she pins the note inside the boys jacket and sends him home.Next day sure enough there was $10,000 behind the tree and with it a note saying, "I cant believe one blonde would do this to another blonde".
Blonde on a Computer
Q. How can you tell a blonde has been working at a computer?A. There is white out all over the screen.
A blonde goes to work and sees that one of her co-workers has a thermos. She asks him what it does and the fellow co-worker responds, ''It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold'' The blonde was amazed and when she got home immediately went out and bought one. The next day she goes to work and is proud that she has this wonderful object. The same co-worker realizes she has a thermos and says, ''What do you have in it?'' she says, ''Soup, and ice cream!'
Blonde & Gun
A blonde sees her boyfriend cheating on her, so she goes home, pulls out a gun, and decides to shoot herself. But, before she can, her boyfriend walks in. "No! Don't do it!" He shouts. The blonde yells "Shut up, you're next.
I drank too much last night.
There was this blonde who woke up one morning not remembering what happened the night before. She went into the kitchen to ask her mother. Her mother replied, "You went to the the bar last night with your father. I must have been asleep when you came home. Go ask your father."She went into the living room to see what her father would say. He answered, "You got very drunk last night. I am very disappointed in you! I'm surprised that your not hungover!"The blonde questioned, "Are you SURE? I can't remember a thing!"
A blonde was having financial difficulties and decides that she has to take some serious action, so she goes to the park and kidnaps a young boy and writes a ransom note, "I have kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the old elm tree and your son will come to no harm", she pins the note inside the boys jacket and sends him home.Next day sure enough there was $10,000 behind the tree and with it a note saying, "I cant believe one blonde would do this to another blonde".
Blonde on a Computer
Q. How can you tell a blonde has been working at a computer?A. There is white out all over the screen.
Blonde and Beautiful
A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first class cabin on a cross-country flight, and settles herself in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her.
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move."
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model."
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back."
The blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model"-and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.
Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?"
The captain grinned slyly and said, "I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York."
Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, "Miss, I'm sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you're seated in first class; I'm afraid you'll have to move."
The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model."
Slightly incredulous, the attendant alerts the senior flight attendant. The senior attendant approaches the blonde and says, politely, "I'm sorry, Miss, but since your ticket is for coach, you'll have to move back."
The blonde replies, sweetly, "I'm blonde, and I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York to be a model"-and shows no signs of moving.
Frustrated, the senior attendant informs the captain, and he says he'll deal with the problem. He turns over flight control, walks to the rear, and observes the blonde seated comfortably in first class.
Approaching her with a smile, the captain leans over and speaks quietly into the blonde's ear. Almost immediately, the blonde gathers her things, gets up, and moves quickly to the coach compartment.
Amazed, the senior flight attendant asks the captain, "Captain, I'm impressed ... what did you say to her?"
The captain grinned slyly and said, "I just told her that the first class cabin doesn't go to New York."
Nog blond grappies
'n Blondine skakel die lughawe en vra "Hoe lank neem 'n vlug vanaf Kaapstad na Londen?"
"Net 'n minuut," antwoord die besige ontvangsdame aan die ander kant.
"Dankie," sê die blondine en plaas die gehoorstuk neer.
Waarom hou die blondine 'n leë melkbottel in haar yskas?
Vir mense wat van swart koffie hou.
"Net 'n minuut," antwoord die besige ontvangsdame aan die ander kant.
"Dankie," sê die blondine en plaas die gehoorstuk neer.
Waarom hou die blondine 'n leë melkbottel in haar yskas?
Vir mense wat van swart koffie hou.
Blond Bet
Jack, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news came on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news came on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Jack took the money
The Hottest, Most Dumbest Blonde Joke Ever
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a large truck. The driver was outraged and was eventually able to make her pull over.
He got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the side of the road and gruffly commanded to the blonde in his most threatening voice, "Stand in that circle and DON'T MOVE!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats.
When he turned around she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh you think that's funny? Watch this!"
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face.
Now he's getting really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires.
Now she's laughing.
The truck driver is really starting to lose it.
He goes back to his truck and gets an extra can of diesel fuel, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle!"
Blond Grappies
Hoekom gooi die blond krummels in die toilet ?
Sy voer die toilet duck.
Hoekom maak die blond net een skoenveter vas ?
Want op die skoen staan "taiwan".
Hoekom staar die blond vasgenael na die resepteboek ?
Die resep se: "moenie roer nie".
Hoekom hou die blond lee bottels in die yskas ?
Dis vir vriende wat nie drink nie.
Hoekom verf die blond haar huis met twee jasse aan?
Die blik verf sê: "two coats."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
