JOHANNESBURG. Some weeks after announcing that loadshedding would be halted, Eskom says an unexpected change in the Earth's axis has plunged the country into a time of cold and darkness, prompting possible future power cuts. The phenomenon, identified by scientists as "winter", has reportedly caused widespread panic at the utility.
Addressing journalists at Eskom's Megawatt Park headquarters this morning, spokesman Eddie Motsepe apologised to consumers in advance for possible power outages, but said that the dramatic shift in the planet's rotational alignment could not have been foreseen by the power provider.
"We are as confused and frightened as our consumers," he said. "At this time all we know is that Earth has tilted over, and as such the southern hemisphere is no longer being struck by the full force of the sun's rays."
He said Eskom officials had confirmed that this phenomenon was known to the science community, and that it was called "winter".
"We phoned the Geography department at the University of the Witwatersrand, and they told us," he said.
He said he did not know whether or not "winter" would be permanent, but said the utility was preparing for the worst.
"We have implemented emergency procedures," he said. "Mainly we are increasing executive bonuses, and installing fireplaces and humidors in all the offices on the top floor."
Asked if "winter" was likely to derail Eskom's supply of power to the controversial Coega aluminium smelter in the Eastern Cape, Motsepe said that the issue was being discussed and that the company's top executives were "very positive".
"They spoke about it this morning, and they feel strongly that if the world is tipping over, as seems to be the case, it is probably best that we have heavy things like aluminium smelters down here in Africa, where we can maybe stabilize the planet."
He added that too much had been invested in the Alcan smelter to pull the plug now.
"In the first year alone the smelter is likely to create almost 19 jobs, at a cost to the South African taxpayer of around R150 million per job. Those are big numbers. Big numbers are good.
"Furthermore, if we get the go-ahead from the Presidency to divert most of Port Elizabeth's power to the smelter, we're pretty confident that it can produce enough A-grade aluminium to manufacture 21 cans of pilchards … 16 if you want cans that won't buckle under the weight of the pilchards."
Showing posts with label ESKOM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ESKOM. Show all posts
New scientific phenomenon puzzling ESKOM
Niemand kan by Eishkom kers vashou nie...
Die fynskrif onder is nogal snaaks, kliek op die prentjie om beter te kan sien.
Power to the People!!
Before 1994 we shouted:
" White Power , White Power "!!
After 1994 the ANC shouted:
" Black Power , Black Power "!!
At Last we all can shout together now
" No Power , No Power " !!
" White Power , White Power "!!
After 1994 the ANC shouted:
" Black Power , Black Power "!!
At Last we all can shout together now
" No Power , No Power " !!
Your dark future as foretold by ESKOM
Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 21) : Things will be pretty dark for you today, unless you remember to buy new torch batteries.
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) : You'll probably eat cold, raw food again today. Try to remember to get that gas cylinder filled! Be cheerful, though, and remember that your ancestors lived like this and survived - 25,000 years ago.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 22) : There will be a programme on TV tonight that you'll love. Bummer that you can't watch it 'cause it's on during your allotted "block" in the Eskom disco derby...
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 23) : Thought you were smart buying that generator? But we know you're going to run out of fuel tonight and the nearest working petrol station is 20km away. As you get there, we'll cut their power... Sorry.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 24) : Another morning without that essential cup of coffee awaits you... If you make it to 10am we'll reward you with enough power to make some, but by then you'll probably have killed 3 people and severely injured a 4th. (Don't worry, though. This is the New SA - you'll probably get away with it.)
Virgo (Aug 24- Sep 23) : Not for very much longer... What else is there to do after dark?
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23) : Your star-sign stands for fairness and justice. That's why we're going to hit your area with three 2hr outages a day, while the area where your local MP stays will enjoy uninterrupted power throughout.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 23) : Your area's assigned outage "block" is from 10:00 to 12:30. Expect the power to go off any time before or after that. And don't think it will only be out for two-and-a-half hours, either.
Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22) : Today you'll buy some food that is apparently within its sell-by date. What you won't realize is that the sell-by date is for food that has been stored in a constantly operating fridge.... Although you'll get severe food poisoning, we think you may survive if you can find an emergency ward that has back-up generators. Good luck!
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 21) : Don't bother to go to work today. During the hours when you actually will have electricity, your network provider will not, so you won't be able to do anything anyway. Stay home and well.... there's not much to do there either, is there?
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 20) : Today you'll get so fed up with our incompetence that you'll decide to emigrate. We regret to inform you that this is no longer possible... The airports have all shut down, because - well think about it! They need electricity to run the place!! You ain't going - nowhere...
Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 21) : Today all your hopes and dreams will come true. You'll have power during "Days of Our Lives".If today is your birthday : Use lots and lots of candles on that cake - even if they don't reflect your age. How else are you going to see to open the presents?You will receive the ideal gift - your very own miner's helmet!!
Taurus (Apr 21 - May 21) : You'll probably eat cold, raw food again today. Try to remember to get that gas cylinder filled! Be cheerful, though, and remember that your ancestors lived like this and survived - 25,000 years ago.
Gemini (May 21 - Jun 22) : There will be a programme on TV tonight that you'll love. Bummer that you can't watch it 'cause it's on during your allotted "block" in the Eskom disco derby...
Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 23) : Thought you were smart buying that generator? But we know you're going to run out of fuel tonight and the nearest working petrol station is 20km away. As you get there, we'll cut their power... Sorry.
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 24) : Another morning without that essential cup of coffee awaits you... If you make it to 10am we'll reward you with enough power to make some, but by then you'll probably have killed 3 people and severely injured a 4th. (Don't worry, though. This is the New SA - you'll probably get away with it.)
Virgo (Aug 24- Sep 23) : Not for very much longer... What else is there to do after dark?
Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 23) : Your star-sign stands for fairness and justice. That's why we're going to hit your area with three 2hr outages a day, while the area where your local MP stays will enjoy uninterrupted power throughout.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 23) : Your area's assigned outage "block" is from 10:00 to 12:30. Expect the power to go off any time before or after that. And don't think it will only be out for two-and-a-half hours, either.
Sagittarius (Nov 23- Dec 22) : Today you'll buy some food that is apparently within its sell-by date. What you won't realize is that the sell-by date is for food that has been stored in a constantly operating fridge.... Although you'll get severe food poisoning, we think you may survive if you can find an emergency ward that has back-up generators. Good luck!
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 21) : Don't bother to go to work today. During the hours when you actually will have electricity, your network provider will not, so you won't be able to do anything anyway. Stay home and well.... there's not much to do there either, is there?
Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 20) : Today you'll get so fed up with our incompetence that you'll decide to emigrate. We regret to inform you that this is no longer possible... The airports have all shut down, because - well think about it! They need electricity to run the place!! You ain't going - nowhere...
Pisces (Feb 20 - Mar 21) : Today all your hopes and dreams will come true. You'll have power during "Days of Our Lives".If today is your birthday : Use lots and lots of candles on that cake - even if they don't reflect your age. How else are you going to see to open the presents?You will receive the ideal gift - your very own miner's helmet!!
Sabotage!!
Do you remember the 80's when the NP Government spent HUGE amounts of public money to protect our Power Stations against the ANC sabotage ??
Well............ It did'nt work.
Well............ It did'nt work.
New Eskom structure
I hereby solemny declare that the text below was not edited by me, and is the real stuff as reported here:
This is part of the new ESKOM management structure:
Go for it, ESKOM!! We have full confidence in this new team!
This is part of the new ESKOM management structure:
Johnny Dladla has been charged with something described as ‘confidence building and communication', while Mpho Letlape will be responsible for ‘employee morale'.
Ayanda Noah, Mongezi Ntsokolo and Johnson will oversee demand-side management, energy efficiency and demand reduction programmes;
Bongani Nqwababa, as FD, ... , Mpho Letlape, as MD ‘human resources', while the position of head of corporate affairs was still vacant.
Go for it, ESKOM!! We have full confidence in this new team!
Urgent ESKOM Anouncement
NOTICE:
In a drive to save on electricity consumption, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off till further notice.
Kindly postpone all hopes and dreams...
We apologize for any inconvenience caused. Kind regards,
ESKOM Management
In a drive to save on electricity consumption, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off till further notice.
Kindly postpone all hopes and dreams...
We apologize for any inconvenience caused. Kind regards,
ESKOM Management
ESKOM Anouncement
Eskom would like to remind customers to not refer to "Black-outs!"
The correct term is "previously lit areas!"
The correct term is "previously lit areas!"
Nog een dansky ESKOM
Wat is die verskil tussen SA en die Titanic?
Die Titanic se ligte het gebrand toe hy sink!
Die Titanic se ligte het gebrand toe hy sink!
And more ESKOM jokes!! where do they come up with this stuff?
This is the ESKOM maintennace team hard at work:
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