Etiket vir Brakpanners

ETIKET VIR BRAKPANNERS.
(soos voorgeskryf deur Emsie Schoeman, en hersien deur Andre P. Brink) 

ALGEMEEN 

1. Moet nooit bier saamvat na 'n job interview nie. 
2. Probeer eers uitvind wie die mense in jou jaard is voor jy begin skiet. 
3. Die dominee smaak dit nie as jy 'n cooler box saamvat kerk toe nie. 
4. As jy die bed moet stofsuig is dit tyd om ander lakens op te sit. 
5. Selfs al is jy seker jy is ingesluit in die testament, moenie jou Venter saamsleep na 'n begrafnis toe nie. 

UITEET 

1. As jy wyn skink, tilt die paper cup sodat jy nie die "vrug" van die wyn bederf nie. 
2. As jy uit die bottel uit drink, hou hom so vas sodat jou vingers die label toehou. 

ONTHAAL IN JOU HUIS 

1. Moenie jou geliefde opgestopte hamster/kat/hond/aap op die koffietafel sit nie. 
2. Moenie dat jou hond van die tafel eet nie (al is sy maniere beter as jou gaste s'n). 

PERSOONLIKE GESONDHEID 

1. Terwyl ore gereeld moet skoongemaak word, is dit 'n job wat verkieslik met jou eie bakkiesleutels gedoen moet word. 
2. Grond en olie onder jou vinger naels is 'n social nee, want dit gee daai finger snacks 'n snaakse smaak en cherries laaik dit nie so kwaai nie. 

VERHOUDINGS (buite die familie) 

1. Bied altyd aan om die aas aan jou goose se hoek te sit, veral met die eerste date. 
2. Wees aggressief. Laat weet haar jy wag al twee jaar om met haar uit te gaan nadat jy daai goed gelees het teen die toilet muur daar by Shoprite. 
3. Maak seker jy vind uit by haar ma-hulle wanneer sy by die huis moet wees. Party sal sê 10-uur, ander "Maandag". As die antwoord Maandag is,is dit Jou job om te sorg dat sy betyds by die skool is. 

FLIEK 

1. Moenie met die mense op die screen probeer praat nie. Jarelange wetenskaplike navorsing het bewys dat hulle jou nie kan hoor nie. 

TROUES 

1. Kleinvee is nie so 'n hot trougeskenk nie. 
2. As jy die bruid langer as 5 sekondes soen, kan jy miskien geskiet word. 
3. Vir die bruidegom: Huur 'n tux; 'n corduroy broek en T-shirt met 'n Cummerbund werk nie so lekker nie. 
4. Al is dit moelik, se maar ja vir sokkies en skoene (al is dit dan net vir die kerk). 

BESTUUR 

1. Dim jou ligte as 'n kar van voor af kom, al is jou gun gelaai. 
2. As jy by 'n 4-way stop kom, ry die ou met die grootste wiele eerste. 
3. Moet nooit 'n ander blaar se kar tou met pantyhose en duct tape nie.. 
4. As jy jou vrou/goose met 'n kannetjie stuur om te gaan petrol haal, is dit swak maniere om haar te vra om bier ook saam terug te bring. 
5. Moenie spin as jy in 'n begrafnisstoet ry nie.

Vuvuzelas : Annoying you since 1660

SOMS PRAAT 'N VROU NET TE VEEL !!!!

Brakpan.......

A Brakpan girl goes to Home Affairs to register for child benefits.

"How many children?" asks the assessor?

"Ten" replies the Brakpan girl,

"Ten?" exclaims the Home Affairs worker.

"What are their names?"

"Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie and Kosie "

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Brakpan girl. "It’s great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout Kosie, YOUR SUPPER'S READY or Kosie GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Home Affairs worker.
"That's easy," says the Brakpan girl... "I just use their surnames"

The Datsun never dies

Some good old SA humour...

A guy breaks down in his Datsun bakkie out in Boksburg. A Hummer pulls upnext to him :'Ek sê come I'll sommer tow you with my Hummer, but if I drive too fast, flash your lights and hoot so that I can slow down!'

Off they go... Pull up to a robot, Ferrari pulls up next to the Hummer, tunes ' Wanna dice ek sê?' Revving engines, robot goes green, and they haul it down the road.

Dude standing on the side of the road sees them tearing past, neck in neck.
Phones his tjommie 'Ai boet, I've got a story to tell you, I just saw a Hummer and Ferrari dicing, neck in neck ek sê like 300km/h' Tjommie - 'Pretty hip ey?'

Dude says to him ' That aint the story, there's a Datsun bakkie right behind them, flashing and hooting, he wants to overtake china!!!!!'

More "Engrish"

The crafty are very slippery...

Mazda 3 for sale...lots of extras.

No blue bull paraphernalia included intentionally...

Financial Systems


Finance for non-financial Managers - Section1: Global Financial systems 

A NAMIBIAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You make biltong...

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
·        You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You go on strike because you want three cows.
·        They get stolen, so you blame the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot their owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION
·        A farmer has two cows.
·        You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
·        You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
·        You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You count them and learn you have five cows.
·        You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
·        You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
·        You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
·        You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
·        You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        You have 300 people milking them.
·        You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
·        You have two cows.
·        The one on the left is kinda cute...



Arni & Windows 7


When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he would like to upgrade his PC to Windows 7 he said:

“I-still-love-vista…baby!”
.