Beggas
Sipho and Jonas are both beggars at several highway off ramps.
Sipho drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house in Sandton, and has a lot of money to spend.
Jonas only brings in R20 to R30 a day. Jonas asks Sipho how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of R10 notes every day.
Sipho says; look at your sign, it says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." South Africans who see that do not feel as if they accomplish anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign.
So Jonas looks and Sipho's sign reads,
"I only need another R10 to move back to Zimbabwe"
Sipho drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house in Sandton, and has a lot of money to spend.
Jonas only brings in R20 to R30 a day. Jonas asks Sipho how he manages to bring home a suitcase full of R10 notes every day.
Sipho says; look at your sign, it says, "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." South Africans who see that do not feel as if they accomplish anything by giving you money. You will still have no job and a large family. Now look at my sign.
So Jonas looks and Sipho's sign reads,
"I only need another R10 to move back to Zimbabwe"
Chartsworth dude
3 Men go for a job interview,
One is white; the second one is a coloured and the third a wambo.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green , pink, yellow....
The white guy was first :" I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself,I hope it will be a pink day."
The coloured was next :" I wake up in the morning Neh,I eat yellow banana, a green pepper Neh, and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV Neh"
Last was the wambo oke, : " I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green ",
I " pink" up the phone and I say " Yellow"
One is white; the second one is a coloured and the third a wambo.
Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green , pink, yellow....
The white guy was first :" I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself,I hope it will be a pink day."
The coloured was next :" I wake up in the morning Neh,I eat yellow banana, a green pepper Neh, and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV Neh"
Last was the wambo oke, : " I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green ",
I " pink" up the phone and I say " Yellow"
Think Like A Woman
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" ?
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!"
The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?" ?
"No," I had to stop drinking years ago, the homeless woman replied.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked
"No," I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money.
Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight.
The homeless Woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine!"
ZIMBABWEAN DOCTOR WINS!!!
An Israeli doctor says:
"Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have himlooking for work in six weeks."
A British doctor says:
"That is nothing, we can take a lung out of oneperson, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Canadian doctor says:
"In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and havethem both looking for work in two weeks."
A Zimbabwean doctor, not to be outdone, says:
"You guys are way behind, YEARS AGO we took a man with no brain - made him President, and the whole country is looking for work. "
"Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have himlooking for work in six weeks."
A British doctor says:
"That is nothing, we can take a lung out of oneperson, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Canadian doctor says:
"In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and havethem both looking for work in two weeks."
A Zimbabwean doctor, not to be outdone, says:
"You guys are way behind, YEARS AGO we took a man with no brain - made him President, and the whole country is looking for work. "
Semi finals
Latest news from the
the first semifinal 13th Oct 2007 3.pm
in the other semifinal 14th Oct 2007 9.pm
and
- Australia meet
New Zealand Monday 8th Oct 9.am , Charles de Gaulle Airport
Stupid Parents
A little girl was sitting in her classroom in Australia when her teacher walked in and started talking about how proud she is to be an Australian, and how wonderful it is to be a Wallaby supporter.
The teacher then asked everyone who supported the Wallabies to put up their hand. Every hand in the class besides one went up. This surprised the teacher and so she asked the little girl why her hand wasn't up.
"Well," said the little girl, "because I don't support the Wallabies." Even more surprised, the teacher asked her who she supported.
"I support the Springboks", she replied. Now a bit irritated, the teacher asked the little girl why she supported the Springboks.
"My mom supports the Springboks, and my dad supports the Springboks, so I support the Springboks."
The teacher looked at the little girl and with a smirk asked: "Well, if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot, what would you be?" The little girl looked up at her teacher, smiled and replied: "A Wallaby supporter!"
The teacher then asked everyone who supported the Wallabies to put up their hand. Every hand in the class besides one went up. This surprised the teacher and so she asked the little girl why her hand wasn't up.
"Well," said the little girl, "because I don't support the Wallabies." Even more surprised, the teacher asked her who she supported.
"I support the Springboks", she replied. Now a bit irritated, the teacher asked the little girl why she supported the Springboks.
"My mom supports the Springboks, and my dad supports the Springboks, so I support the Springboks."
The teacher looked at the little girl and with a smirk asked: "Well, if your mom was an idiot and your dad was an idiot, what would you be?" The little girl looked up at her teacher, smiled and replied: "A Wallaby supporter!"
More Black Springbok Quota players
In a surprise move by the SARB, another black player was added to the Springbok Rugby team:
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You can't keep an Afrikaner down
George Bush was sitting in his office wondering which country to invade next when his telephone rang."Howzit George!", a broken English voice said. "This is Koos here from the Doringboom Bar in Welkom, South Africa. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you, boet!"
"Well, Koos," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?""Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Magtag!", said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again."George, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" George asked.
"Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombis, a bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere.
George sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."
"Liewe Hel!" said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day."George, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia hengelklub have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Goeie vrek!", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis George! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some "Klippies & Coke",and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war."
"Well, Koos," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?""Right now," said Koos, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Jan, my next door neighbour Lang Hannes, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Magtag!", said Koos. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Koos called again."George, my china, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Koos?" George asked.
"Well, we have 4 Hilux double cabs, two kombis, a bulldozer, and Vet Gert's John Deere.
George sighed. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1,5 million since we last spoke."
"Liewe Hel!" said Koos. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Koos rang again the next day."George, ou swaer, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Doepie's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four okes from the Virginia hengelklub have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Koos, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Goeie vrek!", said Koos, "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Koos called again the next day. "Jis, jis, jis George! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," said Koos, "we've all had a long chat over some "Klippies & Coke",and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war."
200 grappies!
Hierdie is die 200ste grappie op hierdie blog. Alles alleen gedoen...
Nie die beste grappie nie, maar hier is nommer 200:
Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too . Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
Nie die beste grappie nie, maar hier is nommer 200:
Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but interesting!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too . Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
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