Regte Mans
Ek het nou al 600 grappe op hierdie site, en daar is geen beter manier om dit te vier as deur 'n goeie Blou Bul grap te plaas nie!!!
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My Bloed is Bang!!! haha
Kyk hoe dapper is hierdie Bul nou, Psalm 91 sticker langs sy bloubul sticker, hy hoop dit gaan hom beskerm...
Niemand kan by Eishkom kers vashou nie...
Die fynskrif onder is nogal snaaks, kliek op die prentjie om beter te kan sien.Human Race
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God, and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
The Mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve; they had children and, so all mankind was made."
A few days later, the little girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God, and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The Mother answers, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."
Never lie to Mommy
Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates".
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?
"Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote
She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.
Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates".
About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?
"Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Peter.
So he sat down and wrote
DEAR MOTHER,Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read:
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.
LOVE PETER
DEAR SON,
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO NOT" SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE FRYING PAN BY NOW.
LOVE MUM
Studies on the female gender
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected
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Best Friend Experiment
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you ?
Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.
When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you ?
Maths, Marriage and other nonsense
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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Who do they work for? Government?
These men are installing and setting solid steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a sports bar in downtown Jozi ( South Africa ).
They are now cleaning up at the end of the day.
See question at bottom of picture.
How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
They are now cleaning up at the end of the day.
See question at bottom of picture.
How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
Night Out - Texas Style
Daughter: My friends and I want to go out tonight.
Father : Where are ya'll going ?
Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town.
Father : I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of trouble at that place. I heard there was a fight there last weekend, and several people got hurt.
Daughter : But dad!! Please!! It'll be okay.
Father: No!! Your life is more important than going out!
Daughter : But "Tina" is going with us...
Father: Oh Well! In that case, it should be okay.. Ya'll have fun!
Father : Where are ya'll going ?
Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town.
Father : I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of trouble at that place. I heard there was a fight there last weekend, and several people got hurt.
Daughter : But dad!! Please!! It'll be okay.
Father: No!! Your life is more important than going out!
Daughter : But "Tina" is going with us...
Father: Oh Well! In that case, it should be okay.. Ya'll have fun!
Choose a name please
Zulus have done it again
Ever since mobile phone services were introduced in KZN some parents have named their children after some of the terms used by mobile services providers.
According to Home Affairs stats some of the children born from 1993 when mobile services were introduced in the province (and the rest of SA) have the following names
1. Network Madondo
2. Subscriber Zulu
3. Nokia Khumalo
4. Siemens Mdlalose
5. Motorola Buthelezi
6. Dial Magubane
7. Vodacom Mkhize
8. Call Later Ndlovu
9. Voicemail Ngobese
10 Simcard Makhathini
11 Scratchcard Mlaba
12 Talktime Luthuli
13 Send Ndebele
14 Paging Nyawose
15 Cellphone Mpungose
16 Message Gumede
17 SMS Mabaso
18 Phonebook Dlamini
19 Ringtone Khoza
20 MTN Shezi
21 Prepaid Zwane
22 Pay as you go Mfeka
23 Please Call Me Cetshwayo
24 Contract Mabaso
25 Charger Ngobese
26 Hands Free Tshabalala
27 Unavailable Masondo
28 Switchoff Mabuza
29 Sim-Rejected Hlongwane
30 Air-time Zwelithini
31 Internet Mthethwa
32 Server Mkhize
I think during the early nineties there were probably a few more, like:
Stiffy Maklakla
Floppy Mahona
Harddrive Umbetozi
Memory Jakululu
Printer Mofakeng
Password Julubaka
Software Hakahana
VGA Bolopeng
Kilobyte Kokololo
Enter Dlumani
Escape Ghobapong
Spacebar Muftaleni
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Whose the Boss?
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.
The next day, he brought a small sign that read: I'm the Boss!
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
Your wife called, she wants her sign back
The next day, he brought a small sign that read: I'm the Boss!
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
Your wife called, she wants her sign back
What causes arthritis?
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest.
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to The priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."
The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," then returned to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what He had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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