The spoiled under-30 crowd!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!

 

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning

..... Uphill...

BOTH ways, Yadda, yadda, yadda

 

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

 

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!

.....Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

 

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it!

 

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

 

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

 

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

 

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only m-net aAnd there was no on screen menu and no remote control!

You had to use a Little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it Came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you Hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

 

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that!

If we wanted Popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

 

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

 

Regards,

The over 30 Crowd

Tikkie Op Die Skouer

Die passasier in 'n huurmotor tik die bestuurder op die skouer om hom iets te vra.

 

Die bestuurder gil, verloor beheer oor die voertuig, ry amper in 'n bus vas, jaag oor die sypaadjie en stop millimeters van 'n winkel venster af.

Vir 'n paar oomblikke is alles doodstil. Die drywer sê toe, "Moet dit asseblief nooit weer doen nie. Ek het my amper doodgeskrik."

 

Die passasier vra toe om verskoning en sê hy het nie gedink 'n tikkie op die skouer sou hom so laat skrik nie.

 

Die bestuurder antwoord toe, "Dit is nie werklik jou fout nie. Vandag is my eerste dag as huurmotor bestuurder. Vir die laaste 25 jaar het ek 'n lykswa bestuur.

Never let your mother in law do the wedding invites ...

Cats on a treadmill

Gatiep

Die polisie vang gatiep een aand met 4 krewe.

Meneer het jy lisensie om die krewe te vang?

"Nee", se gatiep, "is my troetel diertjies ek bring hulle elke aand uit om n bietjie te swem, na 'n rukkie dan fluit ek dan kom hulle na my toe en dan stap ons huis toe."

Polisie: "mar jy lieg mos nou meneer !"

Gatiep: "nee meneer kom ek wys jou dan "

Gatiep sit die krewe in die water en da gan die krewe
Na n rukkie vra die polisie wanne gan jy fluit ?

Gatiep: vir wie fluit?
Polisie: vir die krewe

Gatiep: watter krewe?

Koos Mike en Kallie

Koos, Mike en Kallie word deur spietkops by 'n groot winkelsentrum in Benoni fgetrek.

Spietkop: OK, guys, het julle 'n idéé hoe vinnig julle gery het?

Hulle: G'n idee nie – maar jy gaan ons sê!
Spietkop: So vinnig dat julle elkeen 'n spoedkaartjie gaan kry! (Hy haal sy boekie uit.)

Wat is jou naam? Koos kyk rond en sien 'n Woolworths-reklamebord daar naby: "My naam is William Woolworth," sê Koos.

Kallie snap dit dadelik, kyk rond en sien Edgars. "My naam is Eddie Edgars!"

Kallie en Koos kyk benoud na Mike en hoop dat hy verstaan wat hulle gedoen het."En jy?" vra die spietkop kwaai."My naam is Ken!""Ja, maar wat is jou volle name?"

Mike sê selfversekerd: "My naam is Ken, en my van is Takkie Fraaid Tjieken!"

Wasdag

More signs to haunt you

Dis lekka in Afrika

How to design a logo

Brakpan GPS

Funny posters

Groot probleme

Die seuntjie het nie baie goed op skool gedoen nie. Eendag kom staan hy langs die juffrou en se: "Ek wil nie vir Juffrou laat skrik nie, maar my pa het gesê as my punte nie verbeter nie, gaan iemand 'n goeie pak slae kry!"

Ouderlinge

Die sondagskoolonderwyseres het eendag vir die kindertjies gevra waaromhulle in die kerk moet stilsit.

'n Baie skerp dogtertjie antwoord toe vinnig: "Omdat die ouderlinge slaap."

Philemon

Philemon had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for, particularly being late for work in the morning.

He was called to a disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Den I sumtimes miss de texi and den I am late."

His boss has a bright idea.
He gets one of Philemon's colleagues to sneak into Philemon's room and steal the mirror off the wall, without Philemon's knowledge. The following day Philemon does not turn up for work.

The same happens the day after that. So Philemon gets summoned to another hearing to explain his reasons for not attending work.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower, I look in de mirror. I see no Philemon. I think Philemon already left for work"

Male Advise column

Always wondered why it is always 'auntie Phindile', 'sis dolly' or 'doctor Ruth', but there are no advice columns for 'bro Kenny', 'uncle john' or 'big brother martin'?

Now I know why. Just read the advice column below.

Dear Walter:

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady, making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?
Sincerely,
Mrs. Sheila Usk

Dear Sheila:

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty,causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps.

Walter

Good wife

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

Hondjie

Man kom huilend by dominee aan.

Ds: Hoekom so hartseer broer?
Man: My hond is dood. Sal Dominee hom asseblief begrawe?
Ds: Nee broer, ons begrawe nie diere nie. Probeer die AGS oorkant die straat.
Man: Goed, dink u hulle sal tevrede wees met my donasie van R50 000?

Ds: My magtig broer, hoekom het jy nie lankal gesê dis 'n Dopper-hondjie nie?!

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