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Basic road rules in Gauteng
BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN GAUTENG
1. Indicating will give away your next move. A real
Gauteng driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled by
at least 2 taxis, two Golfs, a BMW and an Uno, putting you in an even
more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No
one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.
5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage
as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance
to stretch your legs.
6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left.
It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a
guideline. They are especially not applicable in Gauteng during rush
hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....’
8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room
to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Gauteng driver flashing his
high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an
accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will
be mugged.
10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of the
high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Metro Police Department, which
puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on
their toes.
11. It is traditional in Gauteng to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents
storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from
making deposits on your car.
12. Remember that the goal of every Gauteng driver is to
get there first, by whatever means necessary.
13. On average, at least three cars can still go through
an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering
to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush
hour.
1. Indicating will give away your next move. A real
Gauteng driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled by
at least 2 taxis, two Golfs, a BMW and an Uno, putting you in an even
more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No
one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.
5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage
as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance
to stretch your legs.
6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left.
It's a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a
guideline. They are especially not applicable in Gauteng during rush
hour. That's why it's called 'rush hour....’
8. Just because you're in the right lane and have no room
to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Gauteng driver flashing his
high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an
accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help - you will
be mugged.
10. Learn to swerve abruptly. Gauteng is the home of the
high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Metro Police Department, which
puts holes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keeps them on
their toes.
11. It is traditional in Gauteng to honk your horn at
cars that don't move the instant the light turns green. This prevents
storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from
making deposits on your car.
12. Remember that the goal of every Gauteng driver is to
get there first, by whatever means necessary.
13. On average, at least three cars can still go through
an intersection after the light has turned red. It's people not adhering
to this basic principle that causes the big traffic jams during rush
hour.
My hond
Hi julle
Ek het onlangs my hond gevat vir opleiding by die hondeskool. Indien jul ook belangstel, laat weet my dan stuur ek die skool se nommer vir julle.
Ek het onlangs my hond gevat vir opleiding by die hondeskool. Indien jul ook belangstel, laat weet my dan stuur ek die skool se nommer vir julle.
THE MISTRESS
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Porsche or X-Type Jag in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Porsche or X-Type Jag in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
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