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Doctors vs. Gun owners
Doctors (A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
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Tanne
Koos vat sy gesin Kaap toe vir 'n vakansie. Jannie speel op die strand en maak maatjies met 'n kleurlingetjie.
Na hulle 'n rukkie gespeel het sê Jannie vir sy maatjie: "Jy's seker 'n local, want ek sien jou voortanne is weg."
Die maatjie sien Jannie se draadjies en sê vir hom "En djy's seker van Gauteng".
"Hoe't jy geweet?", vra Jannie.
"Want ek sien djy het burglar bars op djou tanne!"
New scientific phenomenon puzzling ESKOM
JOHANNESBURG. Some weeks after announcing that loadshedding would be halted, Eskom says an unexpected change in the Earth's axis has plunged the country into a time of cold and darkness, prompting possible future power cuts. The phenomenon, identified by scientists as "winter", has reportedly caused widespread panic at the utility.
Addressing journalists at Eskom's Megawatt Park headquarters this morning, spokesman Eddie Motsepe apologised to consumers in advance for possible power outages, but said that the dramatic shift in the planet's rotational alignment could not have been foreseen by the power provider.
"We are as confused and frightened as our consumers," he said. "At this time all we know is that Earth has tilted over, and as such the southern hemisphere is no longer being struck by the full force of the sun's rays."
He said Eskom officials had confirmed that this phenomenon was known to the science community, and that it was called "winter".
"We phoned the Geography department at the University of the Witwatersrand, and they told us," he said.
He said he did not know whether or not "winter" would be permanent, but said the utility was preparing for the worst.
"We have implemented emergency procedures," he said. "Mainly we are increasing executive bonuses, and installing fireplaces and humidors in all the offices on the top floor."
Asked if "winter" was likely to derail Eskom's supply of power to the controversial Coega aluminium smelter in the Eastern Cape, Motsepe said that the issue was being discussed and that the company's top executives were "very positive".
"They spoke about it this morning, and they feel strongly that if the world is tipping over, as seems to be the case, it is probably best that we have heavy things like aluminium smelters down here in Africa, where we can maybe stabilize the planet."
He added that too much had been invested in the Alcan smelter to pull the plug now.
"In the first year alone the smelter is likely to create almost 19 jobs, at a cost to the South African taxpayer of around R150 million per job. Those are big numbers. Big numbers are good.
"Furthermore, if we get the go-ahead from the Presidency to divert most of Port Elizabeth's power to the smelter, we're pretty confident that it can produce enough A-grade aluminium to manufacture 21 cans of pilchards … 16 if you want cans that won't buckle under the weight of the pilchards."
Huweliks raad
Vrou: "Dokter, ek het niks van my 15 jaar huwelik nie"........
en sy vertel van haar man se swakhede, geen liefde of aanraking of komplimente nie.
Na 15 minute vra die Raadgewer haar om na hom toe agter die tafel te kom.
Hy druk haar styf teen hom vas, soen haar in die nek en op die mond. Die vrou gaan heeltemal in 'n trans, en die dokter sê vir die man:
"Dit is wat jou vrou nodig het, drie maal per week. Kan jy dit doen?"
Man: "Wel dokter, ek kan haar Maandae en Woensdae hier aflaai, maar Vrydae speel ek golf."
Blonde jokes
BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT T HE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON T HE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY, T HE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
" HE LLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
Dopwegslaan speletjie
Hier's my dopwegslaan speletjie. Gewaarborg om jou stukkend-dronk-beskonke te kry binne 30 minute. Al wat jy benodig is grondboontjies, Strohrum,
verskeie ander doppe en SABC nuus (DSTV is opsioneel). Gooi jou dop in 'n glasie.
Skakel jou ma se TV aan op enige SABC nuus kanaal of Parlement Live (op die skottel). Programme soos Felicia sal ook werk en toesprake deur Zuma,
Buthelezi en Tutu is by uitstek Spietsj-materiaal.
Jou lewer se lot is in die toesprake van ons plaaslike politici. Jy kan kloksgewys speel as julle meer as drie is, maar die spel is ewe lekker as jy alleen speel.
Luister aandagtig - terwyl jy nog kan - na hul woorde en straf jouself met 'n sopie elke keer as jy die volgende hoor:
eisj = enkel sopie
in fêct = dubbel sopie
êktualee = dubbel sopie
ôkêê = 1 handvol grondboontjies
amandla = sing een versie van O Ryperd.
brathars, siestars, comraydes = skoon brannas (4 vingers)
Crime? Hau, what crime? = gorrel een mondvol strohrum vir 5 sekondes spoeg uit.
da previas regime = gorrel een mondvol strohrum vir 5 sekondes en sluk.
oua ancestars = drink almal se dop.
Indien daar enige gapings in sinne is waarin die spreker langer as 5 sekondes huiwer = drink die speler links van jou se dop.
Jy mag in jou beurt iemand nomineer om enige deel van hierdie toesprake te verduidelik. As hulle slaag, drink jy. As hulle faal, drink hulle = een
doppie strohrum en een grondboontjie.
Na elke ronde moet alle deelnemers die volgende kan uitspreek in foutlose suiwer Engels: 'I can't remember a thing but I didn't drink!'
Lekker speel.
MURPHY'S OTHER 15 LAWS
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty
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Dankie
Dankie aan almal wat epos aan my gestuur het die afgelope jaar.....
Ek moet die een wat my daai ding oor die rottepoef op die gom van koeverte gestuur het, bedank aangesien ek nou 'n nat lappie gebruik om elke koevert nat te maak.
Ek vryf nou ook die bokant van elke blik deeglik blink voor ek dit oopmaak om dieselfde rede.
Ek het nie meer enige spaargeld oor nie want ek het dit vir 'n siek meisie (Pennie Ferreira) gegee; wat nou al vir die 1 345 keer op sterwe in die hospitaal lê.
Ek het nie meer geld nie, maar dit gaan alles verander as ek daai R20 000 kry wat Bill Gates/Microsoft my gaan stuur omdat aan hulle epos veldtog deelgeneem het.....
of as daardie Nigeriese bankbestuurder wat skatryk geërf het daai R7 miljoen met my gaan deel sodra hy die geld kan kry om die fondse vry te stel.
Verder is ek nie meer bekommerd oor my sieleheil nie want ek het 200 472 engeltjies wat my oppas en moeder Maria gaan al my wense waar maak.
Ek gebruik nie meer kankerwekkende reukweerders nie al ruik ek soos 'n vlakvark in 'n moddergat op 'n warm dag.
Danksy julle, het ek geleer dat my gebede slegs verhoor word as ek 'n epos aan sewe van my vriende stuur en binne vyf minute 'n wens, wens.
As gevolg van julle besorgdheid drink ek nie meer Coca-Cola nie omdat dit toiletvlekke kan verwyder en ontplof as jy dit met mentos meng.
Ek gaan ook nie meer vulstasie toe sonder om iemand saam te neem om seker te maak dat 'n reeksmoordenaar nie agter in my agtersitplek in kruip terwyl ek nie kyk nie.
Ek gaan ook nie meer winkelsentrums toe nie want ek is bang iemand bedwelm my met 'n spesiale parfuum en beroof my.
Ek antwoord ook nie meer my telefoon nie want ek is bang iemand gaan my vra om 'n nommer te bel wat my sal deurskakel na Jamaika , Uganda , Singapoer of Uzbekistan .
Danksy julle gebruik ek ook niemand se toilet behalwe my eie nie want daar kan 'n groot uitheemse spinnekop daar skuil wat my vleis kan laat verrot en my 'n pynlike dood laat sterf as dit my byt.
As julle nie die epos aan ten minste 144 000 mense binne die volgende 70 minute aanstuur nie, sal 'n groot duif met diarree op jou kop beland teen 5 uur vanmiddag en die vlooie van 12 brandsiekbrakke sal jou besmet en veroorsaak dat jy 'n harige boggel op jou rug kry.
Ek weet dit sal gebeur want dit het inderwaarheid met 'n vriend van my buurman se vorige skoonma se tweede man se niggie se haarkapper gebeur!
En terloops...'n Suid-Amerikaanse wetenskaplike het tydens 'n uitvoerige studie bevind dat mense met 'n lae IK en wat baie ongereeld seks het, lees altyd hulle epos met hulle hande op die muis.
Moenie moeite doen om dit nou af te haal nie, dis te laat!!! (hie-hie)
What I Want in a Man
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 36)
1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Wants to talk to me.
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Has at least one shirt with the arms cut out
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Loves to go for drives
10. Seeks romance at least 3 times a week
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)
1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7 . Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend
What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)
1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet
Mugabe en die Bulle
Gehoor Mugabe gaan nou die Blou Bulle afrig…………. dan hoef hulle nie hul
telling bekend te maak na die wedstryd nie!!
The Blind Man
An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church."Who is it?" they called out.
"I'm the blind man," came the reply. The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them.
They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting. They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty.
"Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"
Students
One night 4 university students were boozing till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
The dean was a just person so he said that you can have the re-test after 3 days. They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean. The dean said that this was a special condition that all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 5 questions with total of 100 marks:
MID SEMESTER COURSEWORK EXAMINATION
INSTRUCTIONS:
All questions are compulsory.
Any inconsistencies on any of the questions among the four students will result in all the candidates getting a zero mark.
Q.1. Write down your name----- (2 MARKS)
Q.2. Write the name of the bride and bridegroom at the wedding you attended----- (30 Marks)
Q.3. What type of a car burst a tyre. ------ (20 Marks)
Q.4. Which tyre burst ------- (28 marks)
Q.5. Who was driving---------- (20 marks)
END OF PAPER
Side by side
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? "You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, youwere there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?""What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck... get the hell away from me."
Some place expensive
So I took her to a petrol station !!!!!!!
SYRIA
Read the following explanation before looking at the picture!
Most Syrians struggle to even read Arabic, much less have a clue about English.
So, how does a group of Syrian protest leaders create the most impact with their signs by having the standard 'Death To Americans'(etc.) slo gans printed in English?
Answer: They simply hire an English-speaking civilian to translate and write their statements into English. Unfortunately, in this case, they were unaware that the 'civilian' insurance company employee hired for the job was a retired US Army Sergeant!
Obviously, pictures of this protest rally never made their way to Arab TV networks, but the results were PRICELESS!
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Interesting Questions]
WHO'S IDEA WAS IT THAT WE SHOULD WORK FIVE DAYS IN A WEEK ? (WHY NOT THREE?)
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Do you cry under water?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat
the next thing that comes outta it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? (This one kills me!!!!)
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,
then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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Slow down or stop?
Cop pulls over a taxi.
Cop says: 'License please.'
Taxi driver says: 'What for?'
Cop: 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'
Taxi driver: 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'
Cop: 'You still didn't come to a complete stop. License please.'
Taxi driver: 'What's the difference?'
Cop: 'The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the
law. License please!'
Taxi driver: 'Heish ... if you can show me the difference between slow
down and stop, I'll give you my license and you give me the ticket, if
not you let me go and no ticket.'
Cop says: 'Exit your vehicle, sir.'
The taxi driver gets out of his taxi, whereupon the cop takes out his
truncheon and starts beating the crap out of the taxi driver and
says: 'you want me to stop or just slow down?'
Taxi driver : EISH, DIE COP HY EXPLAIN BAIE MOOI !
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VERSTAAN JY JOU VROU ?
Dit is vir mans baie belangrik om te besef dat namate vrouens ouer word, hulle dit moeiliker vind om dieselfde kwaliteit van huishouding te handhaaf as toe hulle jonger was. Wanneer 'n man dit agterkom moet hy probeer om nie te skreeu nie..... Laat ek julle inlig hoe ek dit hanteer.
Toe ek 'n tyd gelede my werk as Verkeersbeampte verloor het, het ek 'n afleggingspakket vir "vroeë aftrede" ontvang. Dit was toe nodig dat Katryn 'n permanente werk moes aanvaar, nie net om die pot aan die kook te hou nie, maar ons het dit ook nodig gehad vir die mediese fonds-voordele.
Sy was 'n opgeleide Bankklerk toe ons 27 jaar gelede ontmoet het en sy was baie gelukkig om nou weer 'n soortgelyke werk te kry. Kort nadat sy weer begin werk het, het ek agtergekom dat haar ouderdom haar inhaal.
Ek kom gewoonlik vanaf my visvang of klub dieselfde tyd huis toe as wat sy van die werk af kom. Alhoewel sy weet dat ek dan honger is, sal sy amper altyd sê dat sy dan moeg is en eers 'n halfuur of so moet rus voordat sy begin om die aandete voor te berei. Ek probeer nie om haar te vermaan wanneer dit gebeur nie. Inteendeel, sê ek vir haar sy kan maar haar tyd gebruik. Ek verstaan dat sy nie meer so jonk as vantevore is nie. Ek vra haar net om my wakker te maak wanneer die kos op die tafel is.
Vroeër het sy die skottelgoed onmiddellik na ete gewas. Dit is nou egter nie meer altyd die geval nie en somtyds is die skottelgoed nog vir ure na ete op die tafel. Ek bring ook my kant deur haar telkemale gedurende die aand te herinner dat die borde nie hulleself sal was nie. Ek weet dat sy dit waardeer, aangesien ek sien dat dit werk en dat sy tog die skottelgoed voor slapenstyd was.
Ons wasmasjien en droër is onder in die kelder. Toe sy jonger was, kon Katryn verskeie kere per dag die trappe op en af klim sonder om moeg te word. Noudat sy ouer is, lyk dit of sy sommer baie gouer moeg word. Partykeer sê sy vir my dat sy net nie nog een keer die trap op en af kan klim nie. Ek maak nie 'n groot ding daarvan as sy so sê nie. Solank sy net die wasgoed voor die volgende aand gereed het, sal ek dit oorsien.
As ek intussen dalk iets nodig het wat voor Maandagaand se snoekerspel of Woensdagaand en Vrydagaand se pokerspel of Dinsdag en Donderdag se rolbal gestryk moet word, sal ek vir haar sê dat sy net moet stryk wat ek benodig en dat sy die res van die strykgoed kan laat tot die volgende aand. Dit gee haar dan so 'n bietjie meer tyd om die los werkies, soos die was van die honde, stofsuig of afstof te kan doen. Ook as ek 'n goeie dag by die viswaters gehad het, het sy dan daardie bietjie meer tyd om die vis se skubbe te krap en teen 'n gemaklike tempo te vlek.
Katryn begin so nou en dan te kla en murmureer, nie te dikwels nie, maar net genoeg sodat ek dit kan agterkom. 'n Voorbeeld hiervan is dat sy sal sê dat sy nie genoeg tyd gedurende haar etensuur het om al die maandelikse rekeninge te betaal nie. Ten spyte van haar klagtes gee ek haar ondersteuning en aanmoediging. Ek sê vir haar sy kan die betalings oor twee of selfs drie dae versprei. Deur dit te doen hoef sy nie so te jaag nie en verder herinner ek haar ook daaraan dat om nou en dan 'n middagete oor te slaan haar glad nie skade sal doen nie.(As julle snap wat ek bedoel)
Wanneer sy eenvoudige werkies doen, begin sy dink dat sy meer rusperiodes as voorheen, nodig het.
'n Paar weke gelede het sy, nog voordat die grasperk halfpad gesny was, gesê dat sy 'n ruskans nodig het. Ek ignoreer sulke aanmerkings aangesien ek weet dat dit maar net die ouderdom is wat praat. Trouens, ek probeer om haar nie te embarrasseer wanneer sy hierdie ruskanse wil hê nie. Ek sê sy kan gerus vir haar 'n lekker glas koue lemoensap gaan uitdruk en 'n rukkie sit...soms bied ek selfs aan om 'n glas sap saam met haar te drink, aangesien sy terselftertyd vir my ook 'n glas vol kan uitdruk. Sy kan dan haar ruskansie kry deur daar by die hangmat te sit en met my te gesels tot ek aan die slaap raak. So kan ek aangaan, maar ek dink dat julle teen hierdie tyd al agtergekom het dat ek soos 'n engel uit die hemel is, soos wat ek vir Katryn op 'n daaglikse basis ondersteun.
Ek wil nie beweer dat dit maklik is om soveel verdraagsaamheid aan die dag te lê nie. Baie mans sal dit moeilik vind....party selfs onmoontlik.
Niemand weet beter as ek hoe frustrerend vrouens kan wees namate hulle ouer word nie. Die doel met hierdie skrywe van my is eenvoudig om julle te versoek om 'n poging aan te wend om so verdraagsaam soos ek te wees.
Om dieselfde vlak van verdraagsaamheid as ek te bereik, sit egter nie in elke man se broek nie. Wel, deur dalk net 'n bietjie minder met julle vrouens te raas nadat julle hierdie brief gelees het, het ek in my doel geslaag en was dit die moeite werd om hierdie brief te skryf!
Groete,
Frikkie
(Nota van die redakteur: Frikkie se begrafnis was voorverlede Saterdag.
Katryn is Maandag vry gespreek.)
Pay special attention to the wording and spelling. If you are even remotely familiar with holy scripture, you'll find this hilarious! It comes from a roman catholic elementary school tests kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been re-touched or corrected.
Incorrect spelling has been left in.
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIM SELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTER WARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA .. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL...
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BE FORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT
ALONE..
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE A POSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE . THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
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Skrikwekkend!!!
A friend of mine who is a former Police officer sent this to me. It is not for the faint at heart. If you have a weak stomach, then don't look at the attachment, it is a picture of the demise of a suicide jumper.Taken shortly after he landed, it shows him with his insides now on the outside. You will see the look of horror on the faces of the bystanders.
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