Ou tannies
Drie susters 92, 94 en 96 woon saam in een huis. Die 92 jarige tap vir haar n bad water, toe sy haar voet insit, vra sy: Was ek besig om in te klim of uit te klim? Die 94 jarige sê: Wag, ek kom nou op, dan sal ek jou sê. Maar toe sy opgaan met die trappe, steek sy in haar spore vas: Was ek besig om op te gaan of af te kom? Die 96 jarige sê: Ai, ek's so bly ek is nie so vergeetagtig soos julle nie. Touch wood, en sy klop op die tafel. Ek sal julle nou kom help, ek wil net eers gaan kyk wie klop aan die deur. |
Die boere vs die Ingelse...
Gedurende die Boere Oorlog bevind 'n boer en sy seun hulle in die loopgraaf. Die seun vra: "Pa hoeveel manne is ons?" Pa sê: "50". Seun vra: "Hoeveel is die Ingelse?" Pa sê: "So 10 000". Daar is 'n ruk lank stilte. Seun sug: "Dit beteken ons gaan vandag weer LAAT klaarmaak!" |
A man and his ostrich
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke.."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual? asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man..
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say......."
The waitress asks them for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke.."
The ostrich says, "I'll have the same.."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual? asks the waitress.
"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.
"Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man..
The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say......."
Laws Newton Forgot
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the next morning you will have a flat tyre.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold
Actual writings in a Mpumalanga Hospital Register
1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night..
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
5. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night..
6. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
7. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
8. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
9. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
10. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
11. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
26. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
Why Africa is 25 Years behind the developed world
AFRICAN LEADERS
Abdulai Wade ( Senegal ) age 84
Hosni Mubarak ( Egypt ) age 82
Robert Mugabe ( Zimbabwe ) age 86
Hifikepunye Pohamba ( Namibia ) age 74
Rupiah Banda ( Zambia ) age 73
Mwai Kibaki ( Kenya ) age 71
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf ( Liberia ) age 75
Colonel Gaddafi (Libya) age 68
Jacob Zuma (South Africa) age 68
Bingu Wa Mtalika (Malawi) age 76
Average Age: 75.6 ~ Approximately 76 years
THE FIRST WORLD
Barrack Obama (USA) age 48
David Cameron (UK) age 43
Dimitri Medvedev (Russia) age 45
Stephen Harper (Canada) age 51
Julia Gillard (Australia) age 49
Nicolas Sarkozy (France) age 55
Luis Zapatero (Spain) age 49
Jose Socrates (Portugal) age 53
Angela Merkel (Germany) age 56
Herman Van Rompuy (Belgium) age 62
Average Age: 51.1 ~ Approximately 51 years
DIFFERENCE: 25 years
Abdulai Wade ( Senegal ) age 84
Hosni Mubarak ( Egypt ) age 82
Robert Mugabe ( Zimbabwe ) age 86
Hifikepunye Pohamba ( Namibia ) age 74
Rupiah Banda ( Zambia ) age 73
Mwai Kibaki ( Kenya ) age 71
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf ( Liberia ) age 75
Colonel Gaddafi (Libya) age 68
Jacob Zuma (South Africa) age 68
Bingu Wa Mtalika (Malawi) age 76
Average Age: 75.6 ~ Approximately 76 years
THE FIRST WORLD
Barrack Obama (USA) age 48
David Cameron (UK) age 43
Dimitri Medvedev (Russia) age 45
Stephen Harper (Canada) age 51
Julia Gillard (Australia) age 49
Nicolas Sarkozy (France) age 55
Luis Zapatero (Spain) age 49
Jose Socrates (Portugal) age 53
Angela Merkel (Germany) age 56
Herman Van Rompuy (Belgium) age 62
Average Age: 51.1 ~ Approximately 51 years
DIFFERENCE: 25 years
Help Fight Terrorism!!
WALK NAKED IN ENGLAND / AUSTRALIA / NEW ZEALAND / SOUTHERN AFRICA DAY Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide. So next Saturday at 1 PM all English / Australian / Southern African women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack or two at your side is further proof of your patriotism. The English / Australian and other governments appreciate your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this important anti-terrorist activity. | ||
FW: Hillbrow
Gauteng Police announced discovery of:
- arms cache of 200 semi automatic rifles with 250,000 rounds of ammo,
- 10 anti-tank missiles, 4 grenade launchers, 2 tonnes of heroin,
- R80 million forged South African banknotes and 25 trafficked Nigerian prostitutes
- all in a block of flats behind the Hillbrow Public Library.
Local residents were stunned:
"We're shocked. We never knew we had a Library!”
Little Sipho - Brilliantly Funny!
Young Sipho goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking.
He puts his hands in the flour and covers his head with it.
He says: "Look mamma, I am a white boy!"
His mother slaps him hard on the face and says: "Sipho, go show your dad what you've done!!"
So he does, and his dad slaps him too.
His granny happens to be right next to his dad and she slaps him vehemently in disgust.
Then Sipho's mom says: "Did you learn something from all this?
The poor little Sipho shakes his head, crying and says:
"I did. I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and I'm already scared of you blacks!"
He puts his hands in the flour and covers his head with it.
He says: "Look mamma, I am a white boy!"
His mother slaps him hard on the face and says: "Sipho, go show your dad what you've done!!"
So he does, and his dad slaps him too.
His granny happens to be right next to his dad and she slaps him vehemently in disgust.
Then Sipho's mom says: "Did you learn something from all this?
The poor little Sipho shakes his head, crying and says:
"I did. I've only been a white boy for 5 minutes and I'm already scared of you blacks!"
Aphorisms
AN APHORISM IS A SHORT POINTED SENTENCE EXPRESSING A WISE OR CLEVER OBSERVATION OR A GENERAL TRUTH.
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy you a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don't have a sense of humour, you probably don't have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9.. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 am - it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years time, we'll have thousands of old ladies with perky breasts running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies ! )
18. Money can't buy you happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Golf .
19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead!
20. Always be yourself, because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind, don't matter.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9.. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for the wrong number at 4 am - it could be the right number.
13. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
14. I've reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years time, we'll have thousands of old ladies with perky breasts running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies ! )
18. Money can't buy you happiness -- but somehow it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Golf .
19. After 60, if you don't wake up aching in every joint, you're probably dead!
20. Always be yourself, because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind, don't matter.
Golden oldies
Jacob, age 92, and Henrietta, age 89, are excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a chemist.
Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob:" Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundices?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety..... the works!"
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's Disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob:" You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask? Is there something I can help you with?"
Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to nominate your store as our Bridal Gift Shop."
Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes".
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob:" Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundices?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety..... the works!"
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, antidotes for Parkinson's Disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob:" You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask? Is there something I can help you with?"
Jacob says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to nominate your store as our Bridal Gift Shop."
Blackberry offer
Definitions in Construction ...
TENDER SUBMISSION:
A poker game in which the losing hand wins.
TENDER SUM:
A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
SUCCESSFUL TENDERER:
A contractor who is wondering what he left out.
ARCHITECT:
A man who knows very little about a great deal, and keeps knowing less and
less about more and more until he knows practically nothing about
everything.
CONSULTING ENGINEER:
A man who knows a great deal about very little, and goes on knowing more
and more about less and less until he knows practically everything about
nothing.
BUYERS:
The cow in the office that cheats you out of monies with a smile on her face.
QUANTITY SURVEYORS:
People who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
LAWYERS:
People who go in after the Quantity Surveyors and strip the bodies.
COST PLAN ESTIMATE:
The cost of construction in heaven.
MANAGEMENT CONTRACT:
The technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
COMPLETION DATE:
The point at which liquidated damages begin.
LIQUIDATED DAMAGES:
A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
SUB-CONTRACTOR:
A gambler, who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
CONTRACTOR:
A man who starts out knowing practically everything, but ends up knowing
nothing due to his association with Architects and Consulting Engineers.
ENGINEER:
They save lives - fortunately they weren't smart enough to go on and become
Doctors.
GAMMAT....
Die ou is in Durbanville en is haastig om by die Waterfront te kom.
Hy sien vir Gammat op die sypaadjie en vra hom: "Luister man wat is nou die gouste Waterfront toe?"
Gammat vra "Master, loep djy of ry djy?"
Die ou sê: "Ek ry."
Gammat sê: "Nei daais die gouste."
Etiket vir Brakpanners
ETIKET VIR BRAKPANNERS.
(soos voorgeskryf deur Emsie Schoeman, en hersien deur Andre P. Brink)
ALGEMEEN
1. Moet nooit bier saamvat na 'n job interview nie.
2. Probeer eers uitvind wie die mense in jou jaard is voor jy begin skiet.
3. Die dominee smaak dit nie as jy 'n cooler box saamvat kerk toe nie.
4. As jy die bed moet stofsuig is dit tyd om ander lakens op te sit.
5. Selfs al is jy seker jy is ingesluit in die testament, moenie jou Venter saamsleep na 'n begrafnis toe nie.
UITEET
1. As jy wyn skink, tilt die paper cup sodat jy nie die "vrug" van die wyn bederf nie.
2. As jy uit die bottel uit drink, hou hom so vas sodat jou vingers die label toehou.
ONTHAAL IN JOU HUIS
1. Moenie jou geliefde opgestopte hamster/kat/hond/aap op die koffietafel sit nie.
2. Moenie dat jou hond van die tafel eet nie (al is sy maniere beter as jou gaste s'n).
PERSOONLIKE GESONDHEID
1. Terwyl ore gereeld moet skoongemaak word, is dit 'n job wat verkieslik met jou eie bakkiesleutels gedoen moet word.
2. Grond en olie onder jou vinger naels is 'n social nee, want dit gee daai finger snacks 'n snaakse smaak en cherries laaik dit nie so kwaai nie.
VERHOUDINGS (buite die familie)
1. Bied altyd aan om die aas aan jou goose se hoek te sit, veral met die eerste date.
2. Wees aggressief. Laat weet haar jy wag al twee jaar om met haar uit te gaan nadat jy daai goed gelees het teen die toilet muur daar by Shoprite.
3. Maak seker jy vind uit by haar ma-hulle wanneer sy by die huis moet wees. Party sal sê 10-uur, ander "Maandag". As die antwoord Maandag is,is dit Jou job om te sorg dat sy betyds by die skool is.
FLIEK
1. Moenie met die mense op die screen probeer praat nie. Jarelange wetenskaplike navorsing het bewys dat hulle jou nie kan hoor nie.
TROUES
1. Kleinvee is nie so 'n hot trougeskenk nie.
2. As jy die bruid langer as 5 sekondes soen, kan jy miskien geskiet word.
3. Vir die bruidegom: Huur 'n tux; 'n corduroy broek en T-shirt met 'n Cummerbund werk nie so lekker nie.
4. Al is dit moelik, se maar ja vir sokkies en skoene (al is dit dan net vir die kerk).
BESTUUR
1. Dim jou ligte as 'n kar van voor af kom, al is jou gun gelaai.
2. As jy by 'n 4-way stop kom, ry die ou met die grootste wiele eerste.
3. Moet nooit 'n ander blaar se kar tou met pantyhose en duct tape nie..
4. As jy jou vrou/goose met 'n kannetjie stuur om te gaan petrol haal, is dit swak maniere om haar te vra om bier ook saam terug te bring.
5. Moenie spin as jy in 'n begrafnisstoet ry nie.
(soos voorgeskryf deur Emsie Schoeman, en hersien deur Andre P. Brink)
ALGEMEEN
1. Moet nooit bier saamvat na 'n job interview nie.
2. Probeer eers uitvind wie die mense in jou jaard is voor jy begin skiet.
3. Die dominee smaak dit nie as jy 'n cooler box saamvat kerk toe nie.
4. As jy die bed moet stofsuig is dit tyd om ander lakens op te sit.
5. Selfs al is jy seker jy is ingesluit in die testament, moenie jou Venter saamsleep na 'n begrafnis toe nie.
UITEET
1. As jy wyn skink, tilt die paper cup sodat jy nie die "vrug" van die wyn bederf nie.
2. As jy uit die bottel uit drink, hou hom so vas sodat jou vingers die label toehou.
ONTHAAL IN JOU HUIS
1. Moenie jou geliefde opgestopte hamster/kat/hond/aap op die koffietafel sit nie.
2. Moenie dat jou hond van die tafel eet nie (al is sy maniere beter as jou gaste s'n).
PERSOONLIKE GESONDHEID
1. Terwyl ore gereeld moet skoongemaak word, is dit 'n job wat verkieslik met jou eie bakkiesleutels gedoen moet word.
2. Grond en olie onder jou vinger naels is 'n social nee, want dit gee daai finger snacks 'n snaakse smaak en cherries laaik dit nie so kwaai nie.
VERHOUDINGS (buite die familie)
1. Bied altyd aan om die aas aan jou goose se hoek te sit, veral met die eerste date.
2. Wees aggressief. Laat weet haar jy wag al twee jaar om met haar uit te gaan nadat jy daai goed gelees het teen die toilet muur daar by Shoprite.
3. Maak seker jy vind uit by haar ma-hulle wanneer sy by die huis moet wees. Party sal sê 10-uur, ander "Maandag". As die antwoord Maandag is,is dit Jou job om te sorg dat sy betyds by die skool is.
FLIEK
1. Moenie met die mense op die screen probeer praat nie. Jarelange wetenskaplike navorsing het bewys dat hulle jou nie kan hoor nie.
TROUES
1. Kleinvee is nie so 'n hot trougeskenk nie.
2. As jy die bruid langer as 5 sekondes soen, kan jy miskien geskiet word.
3. Vir die bruidegom: Huur 'n tux; 'n corduroy broek en T-shirt met 'n Cummerbund werk nie so lekker nie.
4. Al is dit moelik, se maar ja vir sokkies en skoene (al is dit dan net vir die kerk).
BESTUUR
1. Dim jou ligte as 'n kar van voor af kom, al is jou gun gelaai.
2. As jy by 'n 4-way stop kom, ry die ou met die grootste wiele eerste.
3. Moet nooit 'n ander blaar se kar tou met pantyhose en duct tape nie..
4. As jy jou vrou/goose met 'n kannetjie stuur om te gaan petrol haal, is dit swak maniere om haar te vra om bier ook saam terug te bring.
5. Moenie spin as jy in 'n begrafnisstoet ry nie.
Brakpan.......
"How many children?" asks the assessor?
"Ten" replies the Brakpan girl,
"Ten?" exclaims the Home Affairs worker.
"What are their names?"
"Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie, Kosie and Kosie "
"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Brakpan girl. "It’s great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout Kosie, YOUR SUPPER'S READY or Kosie GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed Home Affairs worker.
"That's easy," says the Brakpan girl... "I just use their surnames"
The Datsun never dies
Some good old SA humour...
A guy breaks down in his Datsun bakkie out in Boksburg. A Hummer pulls upnext to him :'Ek sê come I'll sommer tow you with my Hummer, but if I drive too fast, flash your lights and hoot so that I can slow down!'
Off they go... Pull up to a robot, Ferrari pulls up next to the Hummer, tunes ' Wanna dice ek sê?' Revving engines, robot goes green, and they haul it down the road.
Dude standing on the side of the road sees them tearing past, neck in neck.
Phones his tjommie 'Ai boet, I've got a story to tell you, I just saw a Hummer and Ferrari dicing, neck in neck ek sê like 300km/h' Tjommie - 'Pretty hip ey?'
Dude says to him ' That aint the story, there's a Datsun bakkie right behind them, flashing and hooting, he wants to overtake china!!!!!'
A guy breaks down in his Datsun bakkie out in Boksburg. A Hummer pulls upnext to him :'Ek sê come I'll sommer tow you with my Hummer, but if I drive too fast, flash your lights and hoot so that I can slow down!'
Off they go... Pull up to a robot, Ferrari pulls up next to the Hummer, tunes ' Wanna dice ek sê?' Revving engines, robot goes green, and they haul it down the road.
Dude standing on the side of the road sees them tearing past, neck in neck.
Phones his tjommie 'Ai boet, I've got a story to tell you, I just saw a Hummer and Ferrari dicing, neck in neck ek sê like 300km/h' Tjommie - 'Pretty hip ey?'
Dude says to him ' That aint the story, there's a Datsun bakkie right behind them, flashing and hooting, he wants to overtake china!!!!!'
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
