Finias die trok drywer se skade verslag
Finias; "My Bas, die trok hy wel nie mee ry nie...."
Baas; "Wats fout Finias, is jy weer sonder diesel?!"
Finias; "Nee die diesl hys moi my Bas, ma die trok hy stan"
Baas; "Het jy enjin moeilikheid?"
Finias; " Jaa...eh....die eh...engin hys ok seker oraait. Dis die trok wat stan my Bas."
Baas; " Finias, wat is fout met die fokken trok?"
Finias; "Hy stan by die brig my Bas. Ek dink jy moet breng die kran"
Baas; "Jy meen ‘n breakdown?"
Finias; "Ja.a.a....eh....die breakdown kan ok werk mar hy sal moet bietjie hog wees."
Baas; "Ja ek stuur ‘n groot breakdown, hy kan 5 meter lig"
Finias; "My bas, miskien die kran hy gan beter wees. En breng die jackhammer."
Baas " Jackhammer, vir f** wat?"
Finias; "Vir die trench digger, hy set vas by die teerpad. En breng ok die grinder, cutting tourch, ‘n nuwe lowbed en breng vor jou lunch en bietjie dop ok. Dit gan a laaaang dag wees vi die Bas."
Baas; "Finias, waarvan praat jy, waars my trok? Ek gaan jou dood maak as jy die trok weer omgeneuk het!"
Finias; "Neeee....eh...hy’s regop my bas. Hy stan da by die N1 buite Pretoria "
Baas; "EN WAAA DE HEL IS JY?"
Finias; "Ne,.....eh....ek is eh....by die Sydney Air Port. OK, die Bas hy moet net baie brannawyn vat en nie denk an Finias nie...OK koebai my Bas, Finias hy moet gan nou...!"
Einde van dialoog.
The financial crisis explained in easy terms
The financial crisis explained in simple terms:
Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales,she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).
Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar.
Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.
A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's borrowing limit.
He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.
At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed.
Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items.
One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.
However they cannot pay back the debts.
Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy.
DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better,stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %.
The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation.
Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor.
The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties.
The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied against the non-drinkers.
Finally an explanation I understand . . .
Bongani
BONGANI bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said: "'My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610" ============ ========= ========= ====== BONGANI and Friend BONGANI : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College . Friend: Really, what is he studying? BONGANI : No, he is not studying, they are studying him. ============ ========= ========= ========= === BONGANI and Doctor BONGANI : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night. DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok. BONGANI : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game. ============ ========= ========= ========= ==== BONGANI and WIFE BONGANI : If I die, will u remarry? Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry? BONGANI : No, I'll also stay with your sister. ============ ========= ========= ========= == BONGANI and WIFE again BONGANI : People consider me as a 'GOD' Wife: How do you know? BONGANI : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! U have come again. ============ ========= ========= ========= ==== BONGANI and POLICE BONGANI complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house." Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?' BONGANI : 'I was watching TV news....' ============ ========= ========= ========= == BONGANI comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine' He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.' ============ ========= ========= ========= ======== Once BONGANI was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other. So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot. ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= == BONGANI in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?' ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= === BONGANI at School Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense BONGANI : The future tense is 'u will go to jail' ============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===== And lastly Bongani and the Servant BONGANI told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!' Servant: 'It's already raining.' BONGANI : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.' |
Afwesigheidsbriefies
* Verskoon asseblief Lisa se afwesigheid. Sy was baie siek en die dokter het gesê sy moet dit afslaap, en toe het ek haar laat uitsit.
* Geagte Skool, Dawie was afwesigheid gewees op Maart 29, 30, 32, 32 en ook 33.
* Joylene was nie by die skool nie, want hulle het haar verstaantande geslaag.
* Verskoon asseblief vir Pierre, dis sy pa se skuld.
* Santie was nie by die skool nie, want ek is 'n enkelouer en was in die bed met Giep.
* Maryann was awesig van die 11e tot die 16e. Sy het 'n keel, 'n maag en 'n kop. Haar sussie ook. Daar moet iets aan die gang wees, want hulle pa was ook gisteraand warm.
* My dogter was gister afwesig, want sy was moeg. Sy was op 'n KJV kamp en het 'n rowwe naweek gehad.
* Sally wil liewers vandag na 'n begrafnis toe gaan.
* Jennifer was gister nie by die skool nie, want ons het gedink Maandag is Sondag.
* Vir wie ook al hierdie moet lees - Janco sal nie more skool toekom nie, hy en sy pa is op jags.
* Jan-Jan het nie sy huiswerk gedoen nie, nou dwing hy my om 'n verskoning uit te dink. U is sy klashoof, dink u liewers een uit. Ek het vyf kinders en 'n man en is op gedink.
MAKLIKE KERSKOEK RESEPPIE
Bestanddele:
1 Koppie Water
1 Teelepel Koeksoda
1 Koppie Suiker
1 Teelepel Sout
1 Koppie Bruin Suiker
Suurlemoensap
4 Groot Eiers
Neute
1 Bottel Brandewyn
2 Koppies droë Vrugte
Metode:
Proe die Brandewyn om die gehalte te toets.
Neem 'n groot mengbak en proe die Brandewyn.
Maak seker dis die beste gehalte, skink een koppie vol en drink dit. Herhaal.
Skakel die menger aan. Klits een koppie botter in 'n donsige bak.
Voeg 'n teelepel suiker by. Klits weer.
Maak seker die Brandwyn is sjteeds goed.
Drink nog 'n koppie vir die wis en onwis.
Skakel die menger af.
Breek twee eiers, gooi dit en die droëvrugte by. Tel die vrugte van die vloer af op. Meng die skakelaar aan.
As die droëvrugte vassjit, sjkroewedraaier dit losj.
Proe die Brandewyn vir gifterigheid. Sif nou twee koppies sout of so iets. Wie gee om? Proe die Brandewyn. Sif die suurlemoenspa, dreineer dei neuter en gooi 'n tafel by.
Dan een lepel sjuiker, of sjo ietsj. Wat jy ook al kan kry.
Smjeer die oond. Draai die koekpan 360° en moenie val nie.
Menger die afskakel.
Gooi die bak deurrie venster en drunkie laasjte Brandewyn op.
Gekersde Seënfees!
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PRAATING THE TAAL
"I want a good-looking horse" se die Engelsman terwyl hulle na die perdestalle stap.
Die boer wys na die eerste een: "This one looks good".
"No. that one over there looks much better to me," se die Engelsman.
Die boer se: "That one does not look so good. This one looks better."
"No, that one looks better", hou die Engelsman vol.
Hy koop die een waarvan hy hou. Twee dae later is hy woedend terug.
"The horse you sold me is blind."
En die boer antwoord selfversekerd: "But I told you that one does not look so good."
