Shopping with hubby

The following letter was sent to a long time patron of a local Target store.

After receiving this letter, she vowed that she would NEVER take her husband shopping with her again! ! !

12 January 2006
Re: Mr. Bill Fenton; Multiple Complaints

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviour and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are attending counselling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled and are listed below.

15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. 15th June: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. 2nd July: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. 7th July: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. 19th July: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares.....and watched what happened.
5. 4th August: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay-by.
6. 14th September: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. 15th September: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. 23rd September: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. 4th October: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. 10th November: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. 3rd December: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12 . 6th December: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. 18th December: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. 21st December: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

(And; last, but not least!)
15. 23rd December: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"